Jan. 6th, 2012

Lately I've found myself having feelings of inadequacy, as though I'm not good enough for any one person. Admittedly, it's been more difficult than words can say to overcome, though I am trying. I've made the new year's resolution--despite my thinking that new years' resolutions should not need to be made, should change actually be desired--that as this is a new year, I would work on a new me. One that is not so self-conscious, one that has confidence in himself, and in his abilities. And furthermore, one that gets, and keeps, his motivation to do things.

More and more lately, I have had terrifying dreams. I remember walking past mirrors, only for my reflection to linger, and a slight "glitch" effect come over the surface, wherein my reflection's face turns demonic. Dreams in a fantasy setting, where the source of some evil had to be snuffed out--though it lie beyond a freakishly large spider. Upon being the only one to make it past, I find that on the return trip, I've been doomed by my own eagerness. I wonder if these dreams have any sort of meaning...oh well.

I'd like to consider myself a creative person, though I often have trouble sparking that creativity myself. Should a basis, an idea, be given to me, I am able to contribute and run with it. However, if tasked with creating myself, I find myself struggling. Perhaps I've not found my proper outlet? I've found that I'm not at all a bad writer, though I need certain inspiration to write well. Art? I'd likely be decent if I found the motivation to practice.

In short, I need improvement, perhaps even fixing. Now I just need to make it happen.

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unheard_dreamer

January 2012

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