Lately I've found myself having feelings of inadequacy, as though I'm not good enough for any one person. Admittedly, it's been more difficult than words can say to overcome, though I am trying. I've made the new year's resolution--despite my thinking that new years' resolutions should not need to be made, should change actually be desired--that as this is a new year, I would work on a new me. One that is not so self-conscious, one that has confidence in himself, and in his abilities. And furthermore, one that gets, and keeps, his motivation to do things.

More and more lately, I have had terrifying dreams. I remember walking past mirrors, only for my reflection to linger, and a slight "glitch" effect come over the surface, wherein my reflection's face turns demonic. Dreams in a fantasy setting, where the source of some evil had to be snuffed out--though it lie beyond a freakishly large spider. Upon being the only one to make it past, I find that on the return trip, I've been doomed by my own eagerness. I wonder if these dreams have any sort of meaning...oh well.

I'd like to consider myself a creative person, though I often have trouble sparking that creativity myself. Should a basis, an idea, be given to me, I am able to contribute and run with it. However, if tasked with creating myself, I find myself struggling. Perhaps I've not found my proper outlet? I've found that I'm not at all a bad writer, though I need certain inspiration to write well. Art? I'd likely be decent if I found the motivation to practice.

In short, I need improvement, perhaps even fixing. Now I just need to make it happen.



January 2012

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